Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
