I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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