Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
