Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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