benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
