people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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