she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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