Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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