(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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