the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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