im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
3pm strippers are depressing
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
