Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
