I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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