Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
