I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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