Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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