Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
