I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
