Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
