tequila makes me forget i have legs
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
