capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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