god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
