miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
