That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
