Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
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You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
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I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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