the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
