You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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