the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
