I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
