When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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