I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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