so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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