your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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