Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
