just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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