so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
