Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
