I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
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We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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