wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just googled if crying burns calories
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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