I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
