Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
