I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
