Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
