K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
