Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
