I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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