No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
