I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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