If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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