i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
