i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
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I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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