I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Randomize
