pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
