When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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