last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
