That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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