I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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