i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
