Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
