I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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