hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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