it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she told me i tasted like america
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
