who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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