it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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