Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
